Some Thoughts On Getting In Shape

This past year, I lost about 30 lbs, after spending the previous decade trying to get in shape and mostly failing. A few people have asked me for diet and exercise tips, and so I thought I’d share some thoughts on what has worked for me so far, and why.

Some important disclaimers:

• I’m not a nutrition or fitness expert.
• What’s worked for me might not work for you.
• I haven’t been doing this very long, and time will tell if I can keep this progress up!
• Weight is not a reliable measurement of health — and in fact there’s growing evidence that a lot of the assumptions we have about being “overweight” or obese are incorrect. Every person is different, and it doesn’t need to be everyone’s goal to be thin.

That said — I don’t think there’s anything wrong with anyone wanting to lose weight, or change their physique. Those things were true of me, and I also wanted build stamina, have more energy, and get strong. So, this is about what I think has worked so far for me, and why.

(Also before I forget, you can follow me on Instagram here if you’d like! I mostly post home cooking pictures.)

March 2020/May2021

I spent most of my 30s in pretty terrible physical shape. My blood pressure was high, my bad cholesterol was high, I had little energy, physical tasks tired me out easily, and to be honest, I felt pretty unhappy with the way I looked.

Last year was different though, and I managed to get into a consistent routine that had me making steady progress from about September ’20 until now (May ‘21). I’m not quite where I want to be yet, but I’m confident now that I’ll get there soon.

What went right, stage #1: underlying life changes

In thinking about what’s changed for me, it occurred to me that the most significant things didn’t have much to do with particular diet or exercise strategies. Instead, it was about the big life changes that happened for me, and how they combined to put me in a place where I could start making real progress.

Most of my 30s were pretty stressful. I worked insane hours, home life was fairly chaotic, I started a business with my brother and we sometimes struggled to keep it afloat. And I was in a pretty unhappy marriage that added additional layers of stress and anxiety. My health was not very high on my priority list, and when I get stressed or anxious (which was basically happening weekly if not daily), my healthy habits and mindful eating tended to go out the window.

A lot of big life changes happened in 2019. My two eldest stepkids moved out, then I went through a divorce and moved into an apartment with my youngest daughter, who’s with me every other week. As hard as these life transitions were — it put me in a spot where my own needs went way up the priority list, and a lot of the stress and anxiety of everyday life dissipated. The pandemic of 2020 further isolated me, which had its challenges, but also allowed me to really examine what was going on in my life and my head.

Obviously, everyone’s life situation is different, but I think there’s a good reason that something like 95% of people who lose significant weight gain it back: Keeping weight off requires sustained, permanent lifestyle change, and that’s an incredibly hard thing to do for most people under any circumstance.

All that said: I think this is an important question to ask yourself, if you want to get in shape and have struggled with it: What are the major stressors and triggers in your life, and what can do you do about them? If you’re willing to acknowledge that a prerequisite to getting healthy is getting your mind to a place where you can consistently focus on your own health, then maybe that will make big changes easier. I personally don’t believe most people will be able to maintain healthy eating and exercise habits if their life is full of stress and chaos with no space to focus on themselves.

What went right, stage #2: focus on daily habits and routines first

I realized at one point last year as I started getting into exercise a bit more consistently, that I was obsessing over my weight on the scale, worrying about my eating, and stressing over exercise. This was a little chaotic. It was easy to beat myself up when I set out to lose a pound in a week, and instead gained 2. Then I’d try to over-compensate with extra exercise and eating less, and I’d end up binging or wearing myself out so much with exercise that I wouldn’t exercise for days afterwards.

I realized that if I could get get into a routine of doing something daily, then I could make adjustments later. I learned it’s much more important to celebrate consistency than short term gains. Losing 10 lbs in a month is exciting, but is also easy to undo. Doing exercise every day for a month is a major achievement that helps build grit, and proves to myself that I can do this.

I’m really fortunate to have a gym in my apartment building, and the thing that worked for me initially was just getting on a treadmill or an elliptical machine for 20 minutes or so. This wasn’t really enough to make a dent in my weight, but it helped me establish a routine, and I celebrated it as if the weight were already coming off fast.

What went right, stage #3: lots of mini-lessons and wins

Beyond the two basics above, here are a bunch of things I’ve done and learned that I think have helped me a lot.

• Lesson: Fundamentally, you need to burn more calories than you consume if you want to lose weight. Calories in is simple. Calories burned is a bit more complex. But if anyone tries to tell you that you can lose weight without a calorie deficit, that is a sure sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about (yes, even if they look like a supermodel).
• Lesson: Extreme fad diets don’t work. Like I said above, 95% of people who lose significant weight gain it back. Please, listen to the experts on this: Losing weight and keeping it off requires realistic, sustainable lifestyle change that includes a healthy balanced diet, and exercise. You might lose a bunch of weight on an unsustainable diet, but it probably isn’t helping you establish the habits and routine you need to keep going. If you’re considering a diet for weight loss, ask yourself if you can see yourself doing it for the next 20 years. If the answer is no, then it’s probably not going to help you reach your goals.
• Lesson: you can’t exercise your way to weight loss. You just can’t. You need to fuel your body with the right foods, and you need to eat fewer calories than you burn. A 30 minute walk might burn 200 calories. A snickers bar, a small bag of chips, or 1 cup of white rice is about the same. For awhile, I was walking 3 miles every day, and my weight was staying the same. The cardio made me voraciously hungry. At some point, you’re going to have to take a look at your diet.
• Lesson: Calorie counting can be a real drag when you’re trying to do it habitually — but it works for me. I recommend you try it for awhile, if only to get a better intuition for how many calories and macronutrients are in various foods.
• Win: MyFitnessPal for calorie tracking. Give it a try!
• Lesson: Your body is going to fight back hard when you start losing weight. Basically, it wants you to stay around the highest weight you’ve ever been, and it will slow down your metabolism (so you burn fewer calories when resting) and also release hormones that make you hungrier. I think this is a huge part of why the stage #1 section above is crucial. You need to be ready to approach this with mindfulness and determination.
• Lesson: Building muscle through weight training is hugely beneficial. One of the biggest benefits is that as you build muscle, your resting burn rate will go up — so it counteracts the effects of what I talked about above, and makes it easier to maintain your weight while eating more calories in a day.
• Win: Reward bundling! I put on some headphones and listen to podcasts while I exercise. You could also watch something fun on Netflix while you do meal prep. Train your brain to look forward to these activities, by associating them with things you love. Remember, this is about forming lifelong habits and routines, and that’s simply not going to happen if you hate the activity.
• Lesson: Good sleep is hugely important for weight loss. If this is a trouble area for you and you can do something about it (and I realize that’s not true of everyone, hello insomniacs), it’s probably the thing you should focus on the most right now.
• Win: Got an accountability partner! My friend Gretchen asked if I’d like to do daily check-ins last year, and we’ve been touching base almost every day. It’s been fantastic to support each other on our respective journeys, and I’ve learned a lot from Gretchen.
• Win: Intermittent fasting. My friend Cakelin suggested I try this, as well as a couple other people. This worked for me, for awhile, until it didn’t. I basically skipped breakfast every day, and it helped me maintain a calorie deficit. I’m not doing this anymore, which I’ll explain later.
• Lesson: Measuring more than just weight is a good idea! My friend Alicia suggested I also look at physical measurements, energy, and mood. Sometimes the scale doesn’t change but other things do, and that’s still progress! I spent $5 and got a measuring tape, and made a spreadsheet to record my weight, chest, and bicep size occasionally. It feels really good to see those numbers change!
• Lesson: I wasn’t eating enough protein. Your body turns protein to muscle, and it can also prevent muscle loss as you burn calories. If you’re doing weight training (which you probably should be!) this is especially important.
• Win: I got a smart scale for about $30, on my friend Gretchen’s recommendation, and it connects to an app on my phone via wifi/bluetooth. I step on it every morning as soon as I get up, and I now have a graph of my weight over time with little effort.
• Win: I bought a food scale for $10 and have it in my kitchen. It’s been really useful for getting a sense of how much of a given food I’m actually eating. I don’t need to use it constantly, it’s just a helpful tool.
• Win: Flavored water. Aldi has these “ice” water bottles for about $0.50/each. I buy a case of them every week. They taste like fruit juice, but have zero calories. I drink one when I’m having cravings, and they really help.
• Win: Habit tracking! My friend Cakelin also recommended this app, which is a fun way to track daily habits like exercise, getting good sleep, drinking enough water, and eating a healthy lunch.

What went right, Stage #4: Optimizing diet and exercise

I made really good progress for a few months between October-December, then I stalled out a bit around February, which was discouraging. From February to April, I was just hovering around 200 lbs, and I wanted to be losing 1–2 lbs/week. I wasn’t counting my calories consistently, and while I was still exercising daily, the pounds stopped coming off. I needed some new strategies.

So a few weeks ago, I decided to get in touch with my friend Alison Monday, who’s a nutrition and exercise coach. She helped me identify a couple things right away that have gotten me back on track.

• I wasn’t eating nearly enough protein to keep up with my workout routine to see the gains I wanted. So I roughly doubled my protein, to around 150–160g/day. This has actually taken some real effort, and I would never eat this much protein if I weren’t measuring it out and doing it mindfully. The nice thing about this is that protein makes me feel much more full, so I don’t have the cravings I was struggling with so much. Win/Win!
• My calorie goal was too low. I was aiming for about 1500 calories/day, because that’s what myFitnessPal said I needed to do to lose 2 lbs/week. Turns out that with my daily exercise etc. I really need to eat more like 2100 calories/day. With a higher portion of protein, this actually makes staying under my daily calorie goal fairly easy. And I’m actually losing weight again now.
• I replaced lengthy daily walks and low-burn cardio with more weights and High intensity interval training. Now I’m lifting every other day, and doing a 15 minute HiiT session on the off days, with a few walks every week thrown in (mostly because I like walks!). I have a lot more energy this way, and don’t feel exhausted (and hungry) as often.

If you’d like a human to give you some personalized advice and coaching, I’d definitely recommend getting in touch with Alison! (And no, I’m not being paid to say that.)

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Like I said at the top, I’m not an expert in any of this, and I’ve still got a long way to go; but hopefully this will give you some ideas and encouragement!